What are some of the interesting legal areas you tackle in the book? 

My book examines deception in dating, sex, marriage, and family life and explores the law’s response to this duplicity, which is usually to deny remedies to deceived intimates and protect their deceivers. 

What inspired you to write a book on this topic? 

This is a good opportunity to share the book’s dedication: “To my loved ones. You did not inspire me to write this book.” 

Who is the audience you had in mind? 

This book is for anyone who has ever experienced, committed, or gossiped about deception within an intimate relationship. In other words, it is for everyone. 

What is something surprising that you discovered in researching or writing this book? 

Judges assume that deception is widespread in romance, sexual relationships, and marriage—and they take it as common sense that the judiciary should defend that status quo. When judges presume that many examples of harmful deception are ordinary and expected aspects of intimacy, they help make that so—normalizing the deceit by protecting it from legal redress and legal condemnation. 

What are a few common misconceptions that you dispel in your book? 

Courts frequently blame deceived intimates for having been duped. But detecting an intimate’s deceit can be extremely difficult, even for a person of ordinary or above-average shrewdness and sophistication. First, almost all of us have much less ability to spot deception than we may like to imagine, and detecting deception from an intimate may be especially hard. Second, powerful social norms discourage the investigation of intimates. Third, even if a person would like to disregard those social norms, it is often difficult or impossible to mount an investigation without the investigation itself jeopardizing or ending the relationship because the investigated person finds out about it. 

What is a key takeaway for a reader unfamiliar with the legal framework surrounding intimate relationships? 

People often assume that deception within intimacy is a quintessentially private phenomenon that courts and legislatures leave untouched. But the law pervasively regulates intimate deception. Inside courtrooms and beyond them, legal rules, practices, and presumptions create incentives to deceive, make deception easier to accomplish, and protect deceptive intimates while routinely denying remedies to the people they duped. 

What impact would you like your book to have? 

The law should extend more help to people injured by deceitful intimates and offer less protection to their deceivers. Courts should begin with a rebuttable presumption that a deceived intimate will have access to the same legal remedies that would be available if she was deceived outside of intimacy. Lawmakers should also transform how they regulate intimate deception before litigation begins, countering the incentives to deceive, making it more difficult for deceivers to accomplish their plans, and limiting the damage that duplicitous intimates can inflict. 

Is there anything else you would like to share about your book or the experience of writing it? 

While working on this book, I have often been asked about which kinds of intimate deception I find most surprising. No example surprises me anymore. Any topic that anyone might imagine—anything that might matter to one or both people in a relationship—has been the subject of intimate deception. The list is endless.